It is no secret to anyone who knows me that I am a little bit of a control freak. I like a routine and if that routine goes awry, I get a little anxious. I have always been anxious, but it has gotten so much worse in the past couple of years. It takes a lot for me to leave the house and actually be social. If it were up to me, I would stay home all the time, just because of the anxiety I feel.
I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder 3 years ago and was put on Paxil, which helped me tremendously, but also made me gain about 30 pounds. After about 6 months, we decided we wanted to have a baby and Paxil is very harmful to fetuses, so I quit taking it. I thought I would be fine because school has always made the anxiety worse and I had just graduated college. I got pregnant with Kiley pretty quickly and I was able to make it until I was 20 weeks pregnant before going on a very small dosage of Zoloft, which just took a little edge of the anxiety off.
After I had Kiley, I upped my dosage a little more and even though it didn't cure my anxiety, it helped a lot. Once I quit work, I thought that I would be ok anxiety wise, so I decided to stop taking the Zoloft because I didn't want to be a slave to medicine for the rest of my life.
The withdrawal symptoms were awful. Fatigue, dizziness, electric "shocks" in my brain randomly, and nausea. I couldn't wait until it was over.
Finally the withdrawal symptoms ended. Then the anxiety came back. Anxiety attacks happened everywhere, Target, Publix, Church, in the car, EVERYWHERE. It started small, then it kept building up and up.
So after about 4 months of dealing with this, I have decided to go back on Zoloft. It really stinks to be on medicine to control this, but I want to be able to go place with Kiley and actually interact with people, so if this is what it takes, then I need to do it.
And whenever John and I decide to have another baby, this medicine is considered one of the safest to be on when pregnant, but of course I will discuss that with my doctor.
I just had to get my thoughts out on this and hopefully when I start taking the medicine again on Monday (I have to wait until then because I am going to an Allergist Monday morning and I can't have any medicine in my system) I will actually feel like a normal person again!
Highlights from April
4 years ago
9 comments:
I'll say some prayers for you and I hope you feel better soon. :)
I am so sorry you have to deal with this, my love:( Anxiety is NO fun! I hope that the medicine will help you feel better too. It's just crazy some of the weird things we have to deal with in this crazy life, eh?
Hey, Katie! HOpe you don't mind I am now stalking you on your blog. I can relate, to a small extent. I have a lot of anxiety when I drive, when I take my kids to the doctor, and, to a lesser extent, in social situations (hence my awkwardness!). (I have never taken medication.) I hope this medicine works well for you! I haven't been able to tell you struggle with anxiety! Much love to you!
Thanks Everyone!
Mel- I am so glad you are now blog stalking me! Yeah, I try to hid the anxiety as much as I can. it is mostly related to my extreme fear of throwing up (and throwing up in public). I get anxious in public and if I don't have a way to escape quickly (which is why I am almost always sitting in the back by the door at church!) The last 4 months have been really bad so I hope I can get back on track now that I am taking meds again. By the way, I am so adding you to my blog roll!
Katie, I'm so glad you are tackling this and I'm proud of you. I'm grateful that medicine is available to help you and that you are willing to take it. You deserve to be anxiety free! I just love you and will keep you in my prayers.
OKay, so when you're all normal again are we finally going to hang out more??? ;-)
Katie, Yay! Thank you! Please do add me to your blog roll. So do you throw up often, or is your anxiety completely unfounded? Sad I didn't get to see you today!
No, I don't throw up a lot, which is what the problem is. Before I got pregnant with Kiley, I hadn't thrown up in 18 years (since Kindergarten). I just have an irrational fear about doing it, or seeing someone else throw up, or throwing up in public (which is the worst fear of all 3!)
Hey Katie- I struggle with anxiety as well and just started some medication for it. I finally decided that for the sake of my kids I needed to be "me" again. It has made such a difference. Don't feel bad about taking medication for it, just be thankful you don't have to suffer with it and can be a functional person. And just FYI, I have a friend who is also afraid of throwing up. She decided to see a therapist for it because she is so terrified of puke in any form (and she has 6 kids, so I'm sure she has to deal with it!)
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