This week has been a tough one. I have been extra tired, Kiley hasn't been sleeping, work has been crazy, plus add in the stress of trying to buy a house and it is enough to make me want to throw in the towel!
So Kiley is trying to drop down to one nap a day, much to the dismay of her daytime baby sitters, and myself, who takes over just in time for her afternoon nap. If she doesn't get her afternoon nap, she is a cranky head and wants to go to bed at 7 (she usually goes to bed at 8 or so). When this happens, more than likely, she is up and ready to party at about 1 or 2 the next morning. Well, yesterday she didn't take an afternoon nap. She went to sleep at 7, even though I tried to keep her up longer. She slept beautifully until about 11 (she still likes to nurse at night for the comfort since I am gone all day) and I cursed myself by saying, hmm this hasn't been too bad, maybe she will sleep ok tonight.
1 am- I still hadn't fallen asleep because I have sleep issues. Kiley is awake. John tries to put her back down, but she isn't having it. I try to nurse her back to sleep, which usually works. Nope. Not this time!
3 am- still awake and wanting to play. Now, I am not a big fan of crying it out (for us). Before I had Kiley, I was all, oh yeah, my baby is TOTALLY going to cry it out, they need to go to sleep on their own! But since I have had her, and mostly because I work all day, I just can't bring myself to do it. We have tried and tried, but she is so stubborn that she doesn't sleep. Plus, I really don't want her to associate me with making her cry after a full day away from her. I would rather cuddle with her before bed, even if it sometimes takes 1 and a half (!!!) hours for her to fall asleep. I am a fan of crying it out, but just not for Kiley. So no one get mad at me!
Anyway, back to last night. I was SO TIRED so at around 3:30, after concluding Kiley was fed, dry diaper, and happy, so there was no reason for her to be awake, I put her in her crib. As soon as we even get close to her crib, she starts crying. This girl HATES her crib! So I put her in and shut the door and turn the monitor in the kitchen on (sorry neighbors!) and I fully planned on staying awake to go back in in an hour to try and soothe her. Now, keep in mind that I wake up at 6 to go to work, so I haven't slept a wink and I have about 2 hours to go before I have to wake and perform an 8 hour day of work. So. I fell asleep.
I woke up this morning and I was like, OHMYGOSH!!! So I ran into her room and she was all crumpled in her crib, facing the door, with her pacifier clutched in her hand, asleep.
WORST MOTHER EVER.
Highlights from April
4 years ago
6 comments:
If you think you're the worst mother ever then I don't know what you would call me! If I had walked in and she was sleeping I would've thought hmmm....maybe I should try this more often.
So you are definitely NOT the worst mother ever!!
haha Kalena, it did go through my mind, but she looked like she was so sad it just broke my heart!
She probably fell asleep pretty fast or you would have woken up! Rosalie was up crying until 5:30 last night! My first all nighter since the hospital! Luckily David's at home today so I'm going to NAAAAAAPPP!
She'll probably go to bed pretty easily tonight since she thinks you won't come get her. I promise, the hardest night is the first. When I'm struggling with whether or not to let Sawyer cry it out I always remind myself of the teeny tiny memory that babies have. She may be sad while she is falling asleep but she'll feel so happy when she wakes up well-rested in the morning that she won't even remember the night before. You can do it!
Well you are not a bad mother I will say that. I did crying it out, as you know, and the girls are great sleepers (minus when they are teething). They know I mean business and will not coddle them (unless they are sick or teething and in pain). They are not mad at me during the day and do not hate me when they wake up the next morning. So I really do not think she will harbor ill feelings towards you!!!
Thanks everyone. I was a little emotional this morning because I was SO tired, but I am feeling better now. Most of my guilt about everything revolves around the fact that she is almost 14 months old and I am still working! I hate it! But we are figuring things out!
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