way too long...

It has been way too long since I posted last. But to tell you the truth, I have nothing to say! Life is depressing here as John searches for a job so that I can be home with Kiley. These last couple of months have been full of trials and I am just waiting for the end. But for now, I just have to deal with the fact that I am providing for my family, even though I so very badly want to be home with my daughter. I want to raise her, not her grandmother.
The dream I had last night perfectly describes my feelings about this situation:
John was at church, which for some reason, was at a mall. I brought Kiley to meet up with him and then he took her to a department store while I did something at church. I went to meet up with them and I see my mother in law there, for some reason, and I see Kiley WALKING around the corner. My mother in law turns to me and says "I got to see her take her first steps and you didn't!" I was so upset in my dream.
Then, John and Kiley went somewhere and I wanted to go meet up with them, but my mother in law kept asking me to do things and getting in my way to meet up with them and I never ended up meeting up with them.
I woke up so sad and in a bad mood and that funk has stayed with me all day. I can't wait until this stage of my life is over and I hope it is soon, for my whole family's sake.