So yesterday I went to my doctor's appointment and since I am going to be 41 weeks tomorrow, she wanted to schedule a cervadil/pitocin induction. I needed a cervadil insert first because I was still only 60% thinned, so my cervix still had a ways to go to be completely thinned and ready for pitocin. She recommended me coming in on Sunday night and starting the pitocin Monday morning, but me being me, asked her if we could do it sooner, so she called and got me in last night. So I called my parents and we waited around for them to call me to come in when a bed was available.
We went in around 10 last night and I was nervous as crap because I had never even been in the hospital, but John was with me and my parents met us there for a bit, so I was trying to relax. They put the cervadil in around 11 and let me just say that hurt like crap! So they hooked me up to the monitors and that started a very long night. John fell asleep fairly quickly, and that was fine because he had his final exam today, so he needed to do that. Meanwhile, I could only lay on my back because anytime I tried to switch positions, the monitors would loose her heartbeat and the nurse would come back in to fix it and they couldn't get a get reading on her, so on my back I stayed for the whole night...my back hurt so bad! I got maybe 15 minutes of sleep the whole night and when they brought breakfast around, I was so nauseous I had to get some anti-nausea meds stick in my IV. I started feeling better, plus the fact that it was morning, John was awake, and my parents came back, so I didn't feel so lonely. The new nurse came in and took the cervadil out about 11 am (it had to stay in for 12 hours) and I was so excited, but nervous, because then the action could start. Or so I thought. So the nurse checks me (and she made it EXTREMELY painful, to the point I was almost in tears) and said that even though the head was very low, my cervix was still way back and not thinned and I had made no progress at all. This means that I had been exactly the same for almost 5 weeks now! So I am extremely frustrated at this time and she said she would call the doctor. He comes to talk to me and says he would not start pitocin and wanted to put another cervadil in, but if I wanted to, since I made no progress, I could just go home because the baby looked perfectly happy and healthy. He checked my fluid levels and said she could comfortably go another week. The way he was talking, he was basically endorsing me going home because it didn't look like she would be budging with another cervadil, so I would end up laying there for another 12 hours with no progress at the end and I was just so scared of rushing her out, so after talking it over and many many tears, I decided I would just go home, relax, and let her decide. I just had this weird, unsettled feeling about staying. When I told John that in the car, he said he was feeling the same way, but he wanted me to decide. Of course, I felt like a failure and all that jazz, so I have pretty much cried the whole day because there is nothing more frustrating than thinking that you would be having your baby that day and then to come home empty handed. And I felt bad because my parents rushed up here and were so excited and everyone was so excited and I let everyone down. But deep down I know that I made the right decision for my body and my baby, but I am just so ready for this to happen! So that is the past 24 hours in a nutshell. I am going into the doctor's on Monday and I have another cervadil attempt scheduled for Monday night, but I am just going to see how things go at the doctor's before I decide what to do. I seriously think my due date may have been messed up from the very beginning, either that or she really wants to choose her birthday!
So my moral of this story is GO WITH YOUR GUT INSTINCT! If something doesn't feel right, don't do it, no matter how impatient you are!
3 comments:
Oh, Katie, I love you! You are NOT a failure!!! Heavenly Father is in control and He knows when Kiley should grace the world with her presence. There is a reason why she is not here yet, a point illustrated poignantly by the bad feelings you and John got when thinking of inducing again right away. I can't imagine how anxious you must be, but I know it will all work out, and that once she comes all of this stress and anxiety will go away and you will just feel pure peace and love. I know I've never held my own child in my arms for the 1st time, but I can't imagine it being anything but that. I love you!!! It will all be okay! :)
Katie you're so sweet. I've been reading your blog lately to see when I could see pics of your pretty baby and I know you're discouraged. Everything will work out. I totally agree with Kim and I also agree with you that your due date might not have been correct to begin with. I worked at TMH on the mother/baby unit and for sure I saw that happen a lot. I was really happy to hear that you went home. I'm almost positive that if you had stayed you would have had a c/s. She will come when she is ready. Don't let "post dates" scare you. Hang in there. I'll be saying lots of prayers for you. Good luck with everything!!!
I agree with Kim. There is always a reason for anything. I had to tell myself that A LOT when the girls were born and what they had to go through in the NICU. She will come when she is good and ready or if you have to have a section, I will be there for you in support! (Well I will support you no matter what!!). So go with your instincts ALWAYS because they are there for a reason. Love you hun!
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